track number one of the all for this album and what a track to start with. perfect is, quite simply, my favourite song of the entire album. i love the strings, i love the drums, i love the music, the lyrics, i love everything about the song, and i'm sure most would too, and i've been looping this song since forever.
something real cool showed up in my email inbox - a list of 10 ten questions (most - if not all - of which makes alot of sense), rather similar to the one that i will be re-posting.
i seem to be suffering from some kind of mental block now, so i'll just start copying and pasting.
Having female friends has certain undeniable benefits. Women, for example, are experts at knowing whether other women are good for you when they see them—it's embedded in their genetic code. And, just as important, they can spot a bunny boiler in the making.
In the absence of such close female compadres, however, you're at a disadvantage, especially when smitten. Which is why you should consider these 10 questions about your gal before offering her a permanent position. Our grading scale: Three strikes is forgivable, four strikes is a bit sketchy, and as for five or more—don't make us say, "We told you so."
Question 1 Are You the Center of Her World? It might feel nice to be worshipped for a while, especially if you've just been dumped, but that'll get old fast—particularly when she calls four times during the season finale of The Wire.
She's a keeper if . . . she has at least one non-work-related hobby she's passionate about. It means she knows how to have fun without a man and that she won't need you constantly by her side. And if she continues to make time for her own friends (loyalty is good), she won't freak out when you plan a poker night.
Question 2 Has She Paid for Some Dates? We know an uptown sort of lady who boasts to her friends, female and male, "I have never had to pay for a drink in my life." According to her retro worldview, men pay for everything, and her boyfriends wait on her hand and foot while she watches Desperate Housewives.
She's a keeper if . . . she likes treating you sometimes. It means she'll approach relationships in a more egalitarian way—and when she says she'll take you for richer or poorer, she'll mean it.
Question 3 Has She Always Exercised? If she still has her seventh-grade swimming trophy and a collection of 10-K T-shirts, chances are she'll work out for decades to come, which means the great butt and killer legs that first grabbed your attention are here to stay. But those who go on exercise binges (is that a Tae Bo tape?) or fad diets, only to lose interest quickly, are destined for saddlebags. And if, like the girlfriend of a certain friend of ours, she stays slim by eating a plain celery stalk for dinner every night, pack her a nice sandwich before you dump her.
She's a keeper if . . . you can set your watch to her 30-minute gym visit. An active lifestyle means way more than having shuffled through a half-marathon 6 years ago.
Question 4 Does She Ever Surprise You? A just-because present, perhaps? We know it sounds hokey. But we're not talking about a throw pillow bearing a photo of the two of you and the inscription "2gether 4ever" (unless it's a gag gift, in which case she's hilarious and a total keeper). No, we mean the little things that say she's thoughtful and likes the idea of taking care of you.
She's a keeper if . . . she notices that you're out of shaving cream and buys some; you arrive for a date and she's cooking, with a good bottle of red already breathing; she initiates sex.
Question 5 Does She Hate Her Job? Our friend John dated a woman who always complained about work. "Turns out," he told us, "all that criticizing was just a cover for being hopeless at her job and her excuse for not getting off her butt to improve the situation." She wouldn't take responsibility for her own happiness, so she tried to find a sense of purpose in him—a burden nobody needs.
She's a keeper if . . . even if she's not in her dream job yet, she has a plan for getting there.
Question 6 Does She Own a Vibrator? Condoms? If so, don't feel threatened. Taking an active role in her sexual health and sexual enjoyment bodes well for a long-term sex life. Women who use vibrators have higher sex drives, more orgasms, and better sex lives with their partners, according to a recent survey.
She's a keeper if . . . she knows how to harvest her own orgasms—then she can show you how to as well (ergo, no faking, and less pressure on you). Stock up on double A's.
Question 7 Does She Always Agree with You? Yawn. You want a girl with an opinion. Not an annoyingly constant devil's advocate, but someone who will hear out your position and defend her own. A study found that couples who have heated spats but then make up have a better future in the sack than best-friend couples who never fight. Sparks are hot.
She's a keeper if . . . once in a while she plays Ann Coulter to your Al Franken. Or Maureen Dowd to your Rush Limbaugh.
Question 8 Are Your Zodiac Signs Compatible? Trick question. If she cares, worry. LOL! this question really cracked me up good.
Question 9 Do You Think She's Smarter? That's a good thing. We've found in our own love lives that relationships are best when each thinks the other is a bit smarter. Life is richer with a woman who can teach you a thing or two. There's a difference between a woman who says or does impressive things and one who says or does cute things.
She's a keeper if . . . you're in bed and can't get something she said out of your head—and it wasn't when the two of you were talking dirty
Question 10 Did You Have First-Date Sex? We can't tell you how many male friends have told us that first-date sex—oral or otherwise—is a long-term deal breaker. It's time to upgrade your thinking, gentlemen. This unabashed passion probably informs her work, her play, her politics, her future kids, her future libido, and more.
Our friends Melanie and Andrew, who got wasted and "went all the way" the first time they met, have been married for 5 years and have an adorable son. (And the sex is still very good. Hey, people tell sex-advice columnists everything.)
Don't let a great girl get away because of your old-fashioned prejudices - keep her!
cool stuff huh? and like i said, all very sensible stuff (to me at least). i recently heard an interview (i can't remember the name of the interviewee, but he's a local celebrity), but he said that when it comes to relationships, he has a 80-20 rule. 80% of the girl has to be what he likes and wants, while he's willing to accept the remaining 20% of the girl for who she is. there is so such thing as perfection, he says. and this really stuck in my mind because i thought that was pretty smart, and something that i would agree with. so if we were to adhere to his 80-20 rule, then 8 questions would have to answered positively for a women (we're not talking about girls here) to be considered a keeper.
i get interesting stuff send to my email from menshealth and the topics of the newsletters include food and nutrition, fitness, sex, health, and some general cool stuff.
so this newsletter reads, is she the one for you?
cool stuff huh.
in it they have a list of questions regarding potential conflicts in the relationship and the list include you and your partner's views of issues like:
1. money 2. family 3. religion 4. her career 5. your career 6. interests and dreams 7. discipline style (for the child) 8. genetics (??) 9. potential in-laws 10. her father
and lastly,
and the ultimate question... finally, you need to ask yourself this: 'can i ask these questions and have an honest, intelligent conversation with this woman when we disagree?' because if you can't, none of her answers really matter.
3 words that i feel are really crucial: honest, intelligent, conversation.
honest means no deliberate equivocating, no concealing, honest means being forthcoming, being open, and honesty takes a leap of faith.
intelligent means that one must have a mind of his/her own, and be able to put them across coherently, or at the very least, in a manner comprehensible.
and perhaps most importantly, conversation means there's dialogue, an exchange of opinions, conflicting or concurring notwithstanding, but at the end of it, both parties understand where the other is coming from.
'can i ask these questions and have an honest, intelligent conversation with this woman when we disagree?' because if you can't, none of her answers really matter.
brilliant stuff, something that i totally agree with.
at this point i just want to add a quick post-script. when you said that i've wasted enough time on you, i agreed almost too readily. why? because i was thinking, you'll never be perfect enough for me anyway.
please, let's get this straight, i used the word 'perfect', not 'good'. you'll never be perfect enough for me. not you'll never be good enough for me. for those of you who don't know the difference, please, go speak to an english teacher or something (i know a rather good one - myself), before you make yourself look like an idiot. i don't want to talk about 'good enough', because as far as possible, i try not to measure a person's goodness by one's smarts, eloquence, looks, finances, abilities (language, athletic, musical and the likes) skills, likes, dislikes, charisma et cetera.
but this is one of the biggest reason why throughout everything, i've only ever offered friendship, nothing more.
indeed, i've wasted 6 damned months on someone whom i've perhaps always known would never be quite perfect for me, and was damn near to agreeing to wasting even more time, doing things that i would (at best) have to learn to enjoy. what for? for a compromise? for a 50-50? and in the end, to settle? no, cos i'm raising the bar, i shoot for the moon, just to quote eminem.
i remember saying that i want to reclaim my life, and i think i'm doing just that. i'm playing the piano again, picking up the guitar (i can play a couple of songs in C and G now, noob stuff, yes, but it's something that i enjoy alot. i can pick up my guitar, start strumming, and find myself being unable to put it down - kind of like facebook effect), helping out at my primary school (i see a little of myself in many of them, but that's writing for another day) where the money is crap really - about $4 an hour and so if you were to subtract my travel and food expenses, i earn next to nothing really - but not having to work because of money, not having much that i need to buy anyhow, is something really enjoyable and fulfilling(some might say that i'm not ambitious, oh i think you're wrong. look around you, how many of you actually know what they are going to do in 2 years with confidence and certainty? i do. how many of you would be furthering your studies? i would. and how many are admitted into a university ranked the 30th in the world, 4th in asia? i am. oh i have ambition, perhaps even more so than you who are sneering.). i'm reading, i'm playing alot more football, and i have the freedom to do just drop everything that i'm doing and just go out and kick a ball at a moment's notice (it's great that school's out), catching up with old friends whom i didn't have time for, meeting new people. i'm doing what i enjoy everyday, things that i would not be able to prioritise if i had continued to waste my time.
anyway, the all for this album really is good. if you enjoyed perfect, you'll probably enjoy the rest of the album too, so go get it or something.