if we can't find where we belong, we've to make it on our own
Guard duty on a glorious Saturday in the midst of my block leave. So here I am, bored out of my wits and thus, I decided to get pen and paper to jot down some of my thoughts.
‘Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning,’ so bellowed Sir Winston Churchill so famously once upon a time.
Yet this was exactly how I felt, still do, at POP after my 24km route march. Somehow, the tossing of my cap into the gorgeous morning sky back dropped against the stunning Marina bay skyline didn’t quite measure up to how I imagined it would be in my head.
Perhaps the glee that I envisioned was diluted after the countless rehearsals under the sweltering sun in the Tekong parade ground – so very nondescript and sparse – where we were not allowed to toss our caps into the sky, but we still insisted in shouting ‘POP LO’ after every single rehearsal nevertheless.
But more likely, it was the feeling that it is just going to be the same old, same old in a week’s time - nothing but the end of the beginning – that sobered me.
Nonetheless, POP does mark the end of my 2010, a year of changes and upheavals, of discovery and the growth that resulted from it, and of great new adventures.
Year 2010 started on a high for me and I felt invincible then for 2009 had ended well for me. I was doing relatively well at school (by my standards) without really putting in much effort at all, I was seen as a capable and responsible student by my lecturers (or so I was told), had a bunch of really good friends who really made campus life very much an enjoyable affair.
I worked hard for my FYP, but I had amazing groupmates who were with me every single step of the way, who worked even harder than I, whose toil I borrowed to achieve my distinction for FYP with the honour of being the best speaker and later in October, win the best paper award a the 9th NCOO. And for all these, I must unreservedly thank Zhunhong, Kellyn and Jiasheng.
Zhunhong was a rock as our leader. He and I wrote the majority of the one hundred and thirty odd pages of our report together and things would have been so much more arduous without such an able co-writer. Also, Zhunhong was the one who dealt with the statistical aspect of our study the most, with formulas that confounded us all.
Kellyn was our resident graphic designer who took great pride in the aesthetics of the presentation of our projects. Graphs, tables, images, everything that looked good on our slides must have been the result of her Midas touch and everything that didn’t look good – well there wasn’t anything that didn’t look good.
Jiasheng, well, Jiasheng would buy us paus and siewmais when we were hungry.
But honestly, every single one of us worked so very hard. We came back to school on numerous Saturdays till SP closed, spent hours pouring over volumes of literature, and more hours still attempting to make sense of our data. Night after night of editing and re-editing of out report, and countless mornings and afternoons garnering responses for our study and we came out of all these as better friends, and I do not remember a single instance in which we quarreled.
Thank you, guys (and one girl).
I also need to thank our supervisor Mrs Tan, who work equally as hard as us, giving us suggestions to work around our limitations and overcoming the many obstacles that we were faced with, but mot importantly, she always encouraged us. Even when we were so hopelessly clueless as to what we were supposed to do next, even when we were faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges, Mrs Tan kept us going.
In spite of all these good things, all isn’t well. I grew proud at my own small achievements. I struggled to find the time and motivation to even go to church, let alone do my personal daily devotion.
But hey, what’s there to fear? I was invincible.
I needed to be brought back to earth, and the jolt that resuscitated me came in the form of the betrayal of two people whom I so innocently willed myself to believe just when I was to graduate from SP.
The betrayal was a slap to my face, but the thing about slaps to faces is that while painful, they often wake you up from a stupor that you’ve fallen into.
I’ve been too proud to recognize the poison that had insidiously crippled me so completely, and the sooner that I purge it, the better.
And I’m really thankful for the people who helped me greatly through a rather rough time for myself, but one person that I really want to thank once again is Jason. In spite of his insane schedule, he took time out for me, gave me perspective and agreed to teach me the guitar without a moment of hesitation. Jason has always been someone that I looked up to greatly, and really, he was my role model when I resolved to rein in my volatile temper. Marriage saw Jason shift his priorities (as he should) and being a soon-to-be father would eat up even more of his time, but I thank God for placing him, a big brother that I’ve never had, in my life.
I tired to make full use of my time after graduation. I went to Thailand and Taiwan with my SP friends, went back to Peihwa to teach the care junction students, and even found the time to help a couple of friends prepare for their ‘O’ levels.
My trips to Cambodia and Chiangmai made me realize that despite leaving in a puff four years ago, I could still return to the church where I grew up in, and the people whom I grew up with would still receive me with wide smiles and open arms. So thank you, those of you who were on the trips (there’re too many for me to name here), the warmth that you guys showed was greatly appreciated. To be totally honest, after the trips I feel kind of drawn back to Glory Pres.
And then there’re the fun times gym-ing, running, swimming, eating entire chickens and getting our army gear with Jiasheng, Jordon, Bingsheng and Joseph. Those times are always incredibly funny and enjoyable as we prepared to enlist as soldiers together.
How can I even begin describing what the army is like? But I guess I can finally empathise with the grouses of those who’ve been through national service. But I’m so glad that I met some really good people in my platoon with whom we got through everything together, but Kimnam, Ivan and Nelson in particular were such brilliant section mates.
This feels lopsided, but my shift is about to start soon once again, and this was thrown together rather haphazardly but I really do want to show my appreciation for the people mentioned above, you know who you are.
That was my 2010, 2011 will belong to the army, but more encouragingly, 2011 will belong to God.