today in service, i came across this verse in the bible from the book of james.
with the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. my brothers, this should not be. james 3:9-10
now, i'd like to think that i'm generally quite an easy-going enough person and that i don't throw tantrums around nor lose my temper too easily.
but for those who've known me long enough, they'd have seen the other side of me when i'm riled up and my taturms are as bad as they come.
few things bring out the worse in me as frequently as football; for better or for worse, i'm a different person off and on the pitch. i'm generally a aggressive player, but i've been trying really hard to tamper my short fuse on the pitch. there came a point when i just got sick of getting into trouble with both the referees and even my friends because i was unable to tame my tongue, and also, i realised that i'm not being a good testimony with my words.
today was kind of a victory and a defeat, and i really just want to write this down just so that i will keep an even tighter reign on my tongue and live in accordance to what i claim to believe in.
i played 2 games today, one in the morning and the other in the evening.
my friend was playing keeper in the first game which we lost by a rather unfair margin because of some comical/horrific (choice of adjective will depend on which team one is rooting for) goal keeper from this friend of mine. he flapped at crosses, rushed off his line to catch air, got beaten at his near post, fluffed his clearances, and being a clown in general.
and i was so frustrated at his antics that when asked about how long he's been playing as a keeper (because everyone was shocked at how ridiculously bad he was), i replied thoughtlessly.
he's been playing there for years. he just has no bloody talent.
i played rather well in the second game, spraying passes around, getting my shots on target, winning my challenges. so well, perhaps, that the opponent was kicking me all over the field. late lunges, shoves in the back, kicks to the shin, all these i took without so much a word of dissent, choosing to keep my mouth shut, my head in the game and let the referee deal with the incriminations.
but after i was brought down for the umpteenth time, this guy shouted to the referee saying that i've been diving the whole game.
i should have known better than to react to such provocations (i've won a free kick after all) but at the point, i snapped.
despite being kicked all around, i was keeping my temper in check, but at such an unfair accusation, all my irk boiled over.
'shut the fuc- up' was my reply, word for word, syllable for syllable.
it was a good thing that even in that moment of madness, i self-censored, because i'd most likely have gotten sent off otherwise.
still, the referee called me over, cautioned me for my language and booked me nonetheless.
i argued that i didn't swear but the referee still saw fit to book me, marring what was a good game for myself.
indeed, how can a spring give both clean water, and foul water? either a spring has clean water, or it doesn't.
this entry is thrown together rather haphazardly and i'm really tired now. but i really just want to remind myself that my temper and my tongue, i have to tame.
i'm in the mood for something loud, so people, this is alterbridge with metalingus. goodnight.