it is kind of sobering to come to the realisation that in exactly 2 more months, i'd have to surrender the life that i'm enjoying so much now and become a soldier.
i'm not exactly dreading national service, but it's just that i've grown so accustomed to having so much freedom to do what i want to with not a care in the world - not even school - that the prospect of having to give up all that is quite a downer.
there're quite a few things that i'm looking forward to in these last few months of freedom that are really quite exciting, but one thing that i've been inspired to do is to spring-clean my life.
my laptop had been crawling around lately, and sometime last week, i thought enough was enough and proceeded to take time out to just clear out the trash.
old files, programmes that i no longer use, and a whole lot of junk was littered all over my computer, and that was what was causing all the lag.
junk had to be cleared, resources organised, files backed up, and after all that is done, i defragged my hard drive and the end result now is a smoother running laptop that i'm quite pleased with.
it is quite amazing how things - dead wood especially - have a habit of piling up the moment one isn't looking.
and this is what i'd like to do with my life before handing my freedom over to the army - i want to clear out the junk, re-organise my resources and have a smoother running machine as a result of such a clear-out.
junk like poisonous attitudes and relationships who waste precious time and energies much alike how old files take up space on the hard-drive and use up the system's ram have to be deleted. also, i'd much like to re-organise the things that i do enjoy and not have them all over the place.
a few areas that i do wish to focus on.
to clean up physically. i do think that i've been sitting on my bum a little too comfortably ever since i've started playing starcraft 2 and i can even start to feel the lack of sharpness when i play football. there's this saying that i really like, that you keep fit to play football; not play football to keep fit.
to clean up / re-organise emotionally. well, actually this is more of a re-organisation than a clean up. i've known people who are very much a waste of time and energies, people who are, to put things quite bluntly, junk. and people like that ought to be deleted. nonetheless, i do feel sometimes that some people whom i once considered good friends are very much taking our friendship for granted, despite the importance that i placed our friendship. a re-organisation calls for people are less important to be well, less important, and people who do mean somethings more, well i do wish to have a bit more time for them, especially before i enlist.
also, i do think that i need to rid myself of some negative attitudes that has been perpetrated. favouritism to my children is something that i struggle alot with, with me showing double standards to children i'm fond of. then there's the wishing ill of others out of jealously, out of covetedness and the urge to seek vengence for what i deem the wrongs dealt to myself. unforgiveness. all these are things that i do want to clear out because they don't serve any good at all. in fact, i reckon these insidious attitudes do far more harm to myself than what other people could muster.
and then, i do wish to re-organise my time a little better, to have more time to do the things that i enjoy - football, reading, writing, my guitar, the piano, starcraft 2, working out, my teachings, my children, my friends, while also balancing my commitments.
2 more things that i wich to clear out though, is a less pragmatic, a little more symbolic.
first, i do think that this blog is a little bloated with senseless writings and i intend to delete the posts that i deem "senseless", though the reasonable and more cognitive posts will be preserved.
and secondly, i've started deleting friends off facebook, people who are not quite "friends", though if you're reading this, you're probably very much a friend and shouldn't be seeing a blank page on facebook.com/tamatthew anytime soon.
2 more months people, that's all that i've got left. see you guys real soon.