never meant to make you cry, but tonight, i'm cleaning out my closet

i went to ica this thursday to report the lost of my ic, and to make a new one, and the whole process was way quicker than i had expected and as such, i had some time to kill before my lunch appointment later.

so i decided to walk back to dhoby ghaut from lavender.

i like walking, especially so if i've got good company, but its fine if i walk alone as well, and that is when i get to just people-watch, take in the sights, and think.

and thought i did on thursday.

i met up with an old friend of mine recently, someone whom i've known since around secondary 3 i think, someone whom i've not seen for more than a year, perhaps even more. he got enlisted last year, and thus had been really busy (although i still constantly give him hell for mia-ing for the better part of 2 years), and we had coffee together (well, i had milo because i was going to play football afterwards and caffeine and sports just isn't a good combination).

but i was to be shaken and shocked at what he has had to go through these past few months, all the upheavals and, for lack of better word, shit, that he has had to content with.

believe me when i say that the magnitude of his woes is frightening, and the cause, appalling.

but one thing that i noticed the change in this friend of mine.

he used to be a spendthrift, spending way beyond his pretty considerable means, a heavy smoker, always getting into trouble, and very much an ah beng in general.

that day, he told me himself that he feels like he's grown up quite abit through the ordeal that has been since a few months back. i said i'd pay for our coffee, but he insisted on going dutch, saying that he wants to learn the value of money, and telling me to not waste money (like what the hell right?) and that he is going to quit smoking. now, this is the umpteen time that he's is attempting to quit smoking, but, honestly, i've not seen him with a cigarette since that day.

and i said to him that i'm glad for this change in him, and that if there's anything that i can help him with, just give me a buzz and i'd do my best - something that i try to do for all of those that i care about. silver lining i said to him.

but while i was running random thoughts through my head this thursday, i thought my this friend of mine again.

however, this time around, my thoughts were more personal in nature.

i thought, there're so many things that i should be so very thankful about, so many things tha i've taken for granted.

i used to grumble quite a bit about my parents. from their refusal to give me a more ostentatious allowance, to not allowing me to get the sports channels to watch the epl conveniently, to not sending me around the way other parents do for their children and a hundred and one other things. so many grouses, so little gratefulness.

but really, my parents have done so much for me. they've made damn sure that i've never lacked anything that i really needed, and at the same time, taught me discipline and financial prudence and circumspection. one thing in particular that i'm extremely thankful about is them giving me a chance to learn the piano.

i've got a piano sitting at home and that, is easily a 10 thousand dollars investment, and on top of that, there is the maintenance of the piano, the tuning that needs to be done regularly. and then, there are my piano lessons. just how much my parents have spent for me to learn the piano can easily allow years of suscription to the sports package, even at the inflated prices now, or an allowance with which i can spend on things that i do not really need. what would have happened, would be a matthew who CAN'T play the piano, who would have a whole lot more difficulties with the guitar (he might not even be keen to pick that up), who is used to getting things the easy way, since he has never had a need to work for what he wants, never had to consider if something is value for money, instead always able to get whatever it is that he fancies.

and my parents were spending this much money on a child who wasn't appreciative, claiming instead that he had never asked for music lessons.

i'm terribly ashamed of that now. it is an absolute joy to able to tinker on the piano whenever i feel like, and the the sense of achievement when you do get a song right is huge. a friend said that she thinks that i'm the kind who would senerade my girlfriend with guitar/piano a couple of weeks back, and well, who knows, i could actually be someone like that.