now i may not be the worst or the best but you gotta respect my honesty

ok honestly, it is tyler ward that really got me into this song. for those of you who still don't know him, please, do yourselves a favour and search him up on youtube.

hahaha. it sounds like i'm having a man-crush, but really, he is really good.

coming back to the final part of what was initially 1 post, i have really been just wondering about how i would have been if not for football, and even more so since i was hanging out this friend of mine who plays football as well and we decided to join in with some strangers in their kick-about match (i was played out of position anyway: out on the right and then the left; i would much rather play in the middle), and after the game we were just kicking a ball around and having fun taking penalty kicks.

after all that, she was telling me about her club and how much she's training now, and how wonderful it could be if she should play football everyday.

that really reminded me of me - just how much i was playing football, training (which isn't half as fun, but it improves your game drastically), finding the motivation to improve and just how much fun the beautiful game is.

i replied that i was like that too.

i don't quite understand why i used the past tense then - football is still a huge part of my life and there are indeed many things that i would give up just to play football. but i think that maybe, maybe a part of me has some to realise that there are a handful of things that are more important than football.

i recently had a really tough choice to make. i was invited for a game at the jalan besar stadium on a saturday a friend's birthday party was supposed to be on. now i would have simply chosen to appear late at the party, but because i had already given my word to 2 different people, to be early there to help with the preparations and also to bring the gifts to the party (the person who had the gifts had to come late for a more valid reason than football), i regrettably declined that offer.

and that there is a price to pay for all that football.

"like a girlfriend?" asked my friend almost half-knowingly.

and i replied with a smile, "like a girlfriend.".

she also said that with all that time spent on football, her studies are affected.

and really, all the time that i've spend on football could ave been spent doing many other things.

i could perhaps have spent them on my studies, and gone on to do well in my 'a' levels, got enlisted 2 years ago and be getting ready to get into university now.

i could perhaps have spent them on music, and pick up the guitar alot sooner (something that i had always wanted to do), and be alot better at the piano than i am now.

or i could have perhaps have spent those time working part-time, like how so many of my peers did and be able to buy and own so many more things. things like a new guitar, a new laptop, erm, clothes, bags, and well, shoes to be more eligible and attractive to shallow and material girls? now why would i want that?

but actually the last point about money is a compound factor. see, if i didn't play football so much, i could have worked part-time and actually draw a pretty impressive income but on top of that, i would not be spending so much of my money on football too.

and honestly, i've spent so much money on football. i use to pay upwards of a hundred dollars on a pair of boots for the 'motion control' technology and what have you, and i still pay good money to play games. one of our ministers (i think it was vivian balakrishnan) remarked that sports is one of the things that singaporeans are willing to pay to take part in, and sponsors should pay heed to that and be more involved in the sports scene here. and he is absolutely right.

there are few things that can get us singaporeans to so willingly throw money at in order to take part in than sports and more specifically - football. just look at the number of indoor futsal courts almost mushrooming across the island. and then take a look at the insane prices that one has to fork out just to watch the world cup here.

and really, i don't even want to attempt to estimate just how much i have spent on the sport; the figure ain't going to be pretty, but i do reckon that it could easily fetch me quite a few labels on a quite a few of my belongings.

so the most logical question now would be: is it all worth it?

my answer? i don't know. but at least for now, i sure as hell am going to keeping doing what i'm doing - that is to play as frequently as i can. i think there was a time when i would answer with a definite "yes!" saying that i wouldn't sacrifice anything for football with the conviction that my friend did when she answered me yesterday, but to me now, much as i love the game, it is still a game.

someone once asked me if i loved her or football more. i once thought that it was such an idiotic question. apples and oranges i thought, how can one comapare 2 vastly dissimilar things? now, i've come to reason that it was i who was the fool, for how ridiculously caught up with football must i have been for a person, a living, feeling person to feel insecure when placed beside an inanimate object, a game?

one other friend said this to me when while we were catching up with each other a while back.

she remarked, "matt, you're still that little boy, running around kicking a ball.".

maybe i still am, and hand on heart, i do hope that i still retain that boyish enthusiasm for the game, and i do wish that i would never lose it. and the person that i do see in the future would, in all likelihood, have to put up with my footballing habits too.

but i do believe that with the few added years that i've been around, the few extra lines on my face and yes, the few more scars that i now spot from football, she'd not have to ask if i love football or her more.