shortly after arriving in cambodia, we learnt that an old friend of ours had gotten engaged after a whirlwind 3 months romance, to a man of a different nationality all together (she is from the philippines and he, korea), and when asked about him, she spoke with the excitement and enthusiasm of a schoolgirl in the throes of love.
later at lunch, i sat with one of our hosts, a pretty, eloquent and friendly young lady who will be spending the next 2 years there. we asked her if she found a cute korean guy too, but her reply was a rather tense "don't ask me, i'm jaded".
the two doctors on our trip just got married early this year, and first met in cambodia too. this time, they're back, serving others together, this time as husband and wife.
i just thought this interesting.
women - can't live with them, can't live without them.
cambodia was good for me, not wonderful, but good nonetheless.
let's get to the negative stuff first. just like how different people can be in cambodia for different reasons at different stages of their lives, i had my ups and my downs too, and at times, i wondered and questioned my reason for being there.
i had wanted to go to cambodia to help, to do the best i can for others, but after a while, i thought if there is a greater meaning to the work i was doing there.
i had learnt quickly - the reading of the prescription, the correct dosage and drugs, the taking of blood sugar level, the various dentistry tools and their names, to assiting the dental surgeons in their extraction, but in the end, it felt like instead of helping the people there, we were simply fulfilling our "obligation to them.
so what happens when the drugs they were given runs out 6 months from now? it seems like the people there simply expects another team to be here for them. so instead of helping them, it feels like we are making them more dependent than ever on foreign aid, instead of helping them stand on their feet, we're encouraging them to lie down and take things easy, because they'd always be people coming in to clear up their mess, there'd always be people coming in. they have to. that's their job.
and for sometime, i really wondered if we're doing the right thing, if we're actually doing the right thing.
i still do, but i've since chosen to take faith, to believe that we all can only do what we can, to the best of our abilities, in good conscience. the rest is beyond us, and all we have to do is to do the work that we were called to, and i have no doubts that it was right for me to be there.
i met some orphans too, and then, i truly understood what someone said to me, that the future lies with the children of the country. the adults are messed up, but the children, the children are special. the children can make a difference.
the children are a joy. i've always been fairly handy around children (if i may say so myself) and the children there took to me quickly. but what struck me was their warmth, their capacity for affection despite all that they've gone through and their genuiness. and that, for me, finally gave me a reason for the work that i was doing.
a few good things also, i'm glad that i got a chance to get out of my comfort zone. i know alot of people would say this when they come back from such trips but i mean it in a different way. physically, the hard work, the living conditions were tnot challenging to me; i've been to jakarta and india - it's no problem.
the real challenge was for me to choose to go on this trip with me pretty much knowing no one from the trip. none of my 23 teamates were friends on facebook. i know a few of them by name, having seen them around, but have never gotten round to speaking to them. 8 days later, i can wholeheartedly say that i have enjoyed their company so very much, they were great people, and i'm so glad that i've gotten a chance to speak to them and know them.
i've been going on about this, but to me, true "social" behaviour isn't clique-ish behaviour - sticking in your own group, speaking in your own secret languages, cracking your own jokes and leaving everyone else out of your exclusive group because you're "cool".
no. that is anti-social behaviour.
true social behaviour is being warm and accommodating, not judging but friendly, something which my new friends have surely been, and i thank them for that. true social behavour is also having the guts to strike out on your own, out of your own comfort zone and not blindly follow one's friends.
one of my teamates asked me if i'm the "ra-ra" social kind. i replied that i take time to warm up to people, and after that i'm ok. and i'd like to think that instead of being "ra-ra", i'm loyal to my friends.
she replied that i was doing rather well for myself in cambodia, slotting in well with the rest of the team, pulling my weight with the work that needs done, and otherwise being "ra-ra".
and that's something that i'd never describe myself as.
lastly, i was reminded of something that i had forgetten for a while. i shall not go into details here because things can so easily be taken out of context, especially with different people reading here. i have nothing to hide, but i just don't wish to court controvesy.
as someone has put it nicely for me, i was reminded of what my benchmark should be.
i was reminded of what things should be, instead of opting for the easier and more convnient option of settling for something less than perfection.
janice wong wrote something that i've never quite gotten out of my head.
lower my expectations to what? i'm not picky, i'm just being discerning.