i guess pretty much everyone who knows about this place already knows what is going on, and those who don't know about this place, well, they have no business reading this then.
and this is why i've always requested that i not be linked, nor publicised this url; it is in times like this that i really appreciate my privacy, however limited it might be on the net, when i can write everything that's on my mind and not self-censure.
to those who are reading this, i ask that you respect me enough to not link others to this page - i trusted you enough to even let you know about this page's existence - and i ask that you hold your own counsel with regards to the contents of this post.
i make no denial that the past month had been a difficult 4 weeks for me. while i completed my diploma, went overseas 3 times (kupkup, thailand and taiwan), there were times when i was an absolute mess.
i've got an unmistakable feeling of having been played, that i've been like a dove - easily deceived and senseless - of things not being quite as it appears on the surface ever since i've learnt of some things that had been said, some things that had been done, but i've always let that suspicion slide and stayed where i was, silent and passive.
to many who were eagerly anticipating a show, i refused to give you one, and i'm glad that i've managed to emerge from this entire debacle with my dignity relatively intact. to them, well, the show that you got was fleeting at best, and i sure hope that you enjoyed it while it lasted, because there will not be more.
there were times yes, that i felt extremely alone and desperate, there were times when i was brought down to my knees, broken, and there were times when i lost my composure.
but i'm proud to say that never did i attempt to resort to petty skirmishes, to petty victories to try and embarrass others, nor did i give in and give up. and everything i did, i did with my conscience clear. why did i do all these? to many it'd be hard to explain, but i believe that i was meant to be there, that i was called to be where i was for a reason. most importantly, i've never allowed myself to sink so low as to use a bad habit to try and get the attention of others. you may disagree with me, but in my mind, such attempts are laughable and no, they don't impress me at all. to put it bluntly, they are pathetic, weak, cowardly.
having said that i do not believe for a moment that things are as innocent and simple as they appear on the surface, it isn't too difficult to understand why things happened the way they did, and i'm glad to have someone who dared to say it as it is to me, something which deep inside, i've perhaps always known, or at least suspected, but refused to admit, and i totally agree that a book should never be judged by its cover.
and so, perhaps the smartest of us all these time was the one least expected, and the fool? well the fool would never recognise the fool's own foolery, because if the fool did, then the fool wouldn't be a fool.
and so, 6 months on, we finally have our answer to your question: it was a misstep right from the start. i never wanted to have anything to do with this in the first place, and you, you should have taken my advice about him long ago.