the past few days haven't been all that great for me, despite being effectively graduated, and i was particularly unhappy about the way i behaved. after taking sometime out to reflect on my behaviour as well as what others have to say, i thought i'd just arrange my thoughts coherently and air them. for my own sake.
martin o’neill was absolute furious when arsene wenger described aston villa as a 'long ball team'. 'an appalling insult' and 'ridiculous' were some of the more polite replies from the villa boss. and he had every right to be outraged, for his team is by no means a 'long ball team'. aston villa is one of my favourite team to watch, because of their fearlessness, their willingness to get forward and attack, especially on the counter attack.
in a somewhat similar way, i too, was enraged by what i perceived as inflammatory and bitter comments about the way i handled myself. and like villa, i too had just achieved a good result against a much more fancied opponent when those remarks were made, and to be honest, i was irked, indignant.
and then i did something incredibly stupid. i went over and confronted the person who made that remark, telling him to say whatever that he has to say to me, in my face, instead of skulking in a corner sulking. it was foolish because with everyone being incensed and heated from a fiercely fought match, none of us were rational nor level headed (no matter what i may think of myself). i promised myself that i would not lose my composure in a game and self-destruct, and i realised after that just how close that i had strayed to the line that i vowed not to cross again. if my opponent had reacted, and we were not separated, who's to say that i would not lose my cool? after all, we already had a heated exchange despite being virtually on the opposite ends of the court.
that was stupid, stupid of me, and i should not have done that. after all, had i not smiled though taunts much worse?
which brings me to my second point, what is a dirty player? what constitutes a dirty player? how to you identify one?
the number of fouls he commits? the sending offs he receives?
those are all possible answers, but i do not deem them sufficient, for there's a inherent flaw in comparing the number of fouls that 2 dissimilar types of players commit to decide which is the dirtier player. let me elaborate.
if one were to compare the number of fouls nemanja vidic commits as compared to dimitar berbatov, one would be likely to conclude that vidic is the more dirty player because he commits more fouls. but that might not be entirely true. vidic is a defender, and thus, it is his job to be aggressive, to challenge of the 50-50 balls, and in cases that are 60-40 in the attacker's advantage, make them 50-50. that is his job. berbatov, on the other hand, is required to shrug off the attentions of the defender attempt to make a goal-scoring opportunity.
which brings into sharp contrast the two objectives of the two different kinds of players. one to destroy, the other to create, and the one that destroys will always be more disadvantaged when it comes to comparisons like this. one to deny space, the other to make space. one to block, the other to score.
even if we were to compare between players in a similar position, darren fletcher (whom wenger accused of being a dirty player, but sir alex ferguson vehemently defends - wenger is a great manager, a visionary manager, but not a very good manger when he loses) would appear to be a dirtier player than, say michael carrick.
nonetheless, just because fletcher aggressively closes down the opponent on the ball while carrick adopts a more restrained approach, seeking to make the interception instead of the tackle does not mean that fletch is any more a dirty player than carrick is. in fact, a winning team needs a balance of between this 2 kinds of players. ferdinand and vidic in defence, carrick and fletcher in midfield, berbatov and rooney in attack.
aggression is an attribute required for success, a virtue when it sharpens your game and gives you focus, but a liability when it causes you to self destruct.
which leads me back to me initial question. how do we determine a dirty player? in my humble opinion, the answer is 'intention'.
at this point i'd want to say that while i was definitely aggressive, i never had the intention to hurt anyone. i admit that the challenge on jinnyang was over-the-top, i ran into him almost a full speed, i believe that it was a foul, and i believe that i was at fault for that. and i apologise for that hasty and late challenge. but my intention was never to injure anyone. it was a late challenge because possession was lost in midfield, and i was out of position. and it was for that reason i didn't slow down when it seemed unlikely that i would win the ball, that i ran into jinnyang at full speed. because i believed erroneously that i could still win the ball. that was not a good reason, and i'm sorry. but i never intended to injure anyone.
to those who are certain that i was, i'd just like to highlight some facts in my defense, something to think about.
i wasn't called for any fouls, and even the referee came over and said to me that the collision was an accident.
i wasn't sent off, something which cannot quite be said for the opposing team. (the sending off rule was introduced only in the final game, ironically by my opponents, perhaps thinking that such a rule would be advantageous to them because i was supposedly a dirty player.)
i wasn't whining to the referee the entire game (unsuccessfully might i add, because no foul was blown against me).
we absolutely slaughtered my opponents in the final game. players out to hurt, with their heads not in the game cannot perform well. how many times have we seen teams collapse because they lost their composure against team that stoically went on with their jobs? countless.
one of my favourite songs, and it fits my mood perfectly right now.
i'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell i know, right now you can't tell but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me i'm not crazy, i'm just a little impaired i know, right now you don't care but soon enough you're gonna think of me and how i used to be