the silence isn't so bad, till i look at my hands and feel sad

i was going through my sent mail the other day looking for the powerpoint slides of projects that i have completed last semester for course-mates who are doing them this sem instead.

i couldn't find what i was looking for, strangely, for i do not have a habit of deleting my sent mails. but i noticed a particular email address, the email of someone whom i corresponded via email rather frequently. i couldn't help but opened one of the more recent mails and re-read it, something that i had not done for a long long time.

and then i realised that i was dated 19th of june, 2009.

i couldn't believe it. what seemed like years is actually little more than 5 months, and already, so much have changed in these 5 short months, perhaps more then the the past 2 years added together. for one, i no longer felt overwhelmed by numerous emotions all mixed into a volatile and unstable concoction, so much so that i could feel despair one minute, outrage the next, followed by a sense of incredible numbness.

this time, it's a wave of resignation, with a rueful smile on my face.

i went back a little more till i came across that 19th april mail. and again, i couldn't believe my eyes. just a little more than one and a half years ago. one and a half years. time that seemingly stretched on and on. and yet, i'm proud to say, that in this 16 months' time, i've grown, and i've lived through one of the best times in my life so far, with 2 once-in-a-lifetime trips overseas being the highlights.

and this time, there was no bitterness.

but sometimes, i do think that maybe, just maybe, i'd been spoilt.

i don't recall having to fighting so much, so frequently, and i am feeling worn out.

michael buble's new single haven't met you yet comes to mind now.

i'm not surprised.
not everything lasts.
...
i might have to wait.
i'll never give up.
i guess it's half timing,
and the other half's luck.
wherever you are.
whenever it's right.
you'll come out of nowhere and into my life

i just haven't met you yet.

i like this song. i don't quite know why, but it brings a smile to my face every time i hear it. but it is a upbeat song for a change.

and so with that, i close my mail.

there is a time for reflection and reminisce, and there's time for release. but most crucially, there's a time for redemption and to reach for the future.