i miss india, where things there are simple and clear cut. straight forward.
and since i've been back, i've been lost, in every sense of the word. the time difference's a nuisance, the piled up work load's a pain, post-trip stuff's an ass. to mention a few things weighing on my mind.
worse of all, i've been constantly frightened. frightened of losing, frightened of history repeating itself, frightened of myself.
and i've never been particularly comfortable in big groups of people - too much noise, too much stimulation, too little room - prefering instead to be around smaller group of good friends.
something else on my jumbled mind: i realised that i've spent much much less time on football this year, and while i used to think that life would then be incredibly dull, i'm thinking otherwise now.
i'm thankful that in my final year, i've gotten to experience 2 overseas trip, poly 50, have more time to myself and my friends, know more of my course mates and basically, try my hand at something else other than football (yes, even dota). so often have i made a impassioned plea for my case that life is about experiences that have to be lived, lessons that have to be learned and so often had i restricted myself to living football, experiencing football.
and i'm glad for the chance to do something different, to be in different places, to know different people.
but the strangest thing is that i have got a pretty good idea where my time and energy would be devoted to had i been asked what i would do with my time now some time back. and it is not all that i had mentioned.
kind of a bitter irony, but on the other hand, life is indeed meant to be lived.