i've learnt that emotions cannot be rationalised, nor be reasoned through logical nor arithmetical means. it is impossible, at least for me, with my limited cognitive and intellectual facilities.

for example, the joy experienced when i play football, which is free, or relatively cheap in any case, for outweighs what any shopping can bring.

it's not just football. the satisfaction that i experienced when i got myself a compact chess set with peices that looked crystal for just a dollar too was greater than say purchasing a shirt.

so it was an impossible job that i was attempting, comparing two person in my mind. it just not doable, like comparing maradonna to pele.

pele might be more two-footed then maradonna was, thus, for example, he gets 10/10 for his right foot and 7/10 for his left.

maradonna's right foot's sole purpose may very well be just for atnading and balance, but his left, surely, is worth far more than 10/10, but in mathematical terms, 11/10 does not exists.

how then do you account for the variabilities that are bound to exist in real life?

you can't.

so, there are people whom i ought to apologise to (even though till now, i don't feel that i'm in the wrong, and most would concur that i had every right to be angry), to forgive (finally), to speak to again, to let go of petty feuds, to treausre what we had, to call them my brothers again.

we could have drifted apart for reasons best known to us, yet i enjoyed their company much, talking, laughing, playing. you just can't try to weigh the two and try and decide or rationalise which is it that you ought to feel.

instead, i think it's time to hold out a olive branch, to reach out.

i've lost enough people, i've lost enough friends. i don't need to lose more.