i was looking at the pictures and match reports of sp football team's progress on both redsports.com and sporton.com and a pang of what-could-have-been struck me, hard, and i won't deny it, i'm really envious of the opportunity others have to play football at such a level. why not me? i asked myself.
and i seems that i'm average in everything that i could be. i enjoy playing football, but i'm not quite good enough. i managed to scrap a grade 8 in piano, but i'm not too at that, academically, i too am not outstanding, and the same can be said for almost everything that i'd give a damn about: writing, my faith, my relationships, everything.
ah, mediocrity, the bane of mine.
i remember reading somewhere to not compare with others, for there are always others better and worse off than you, and thus, comparing would only cause one to become vain, or insecure.
hell, i'm trying.
i went to fico yesterday and played with some of the cls guys as well as a couple of old friends, and a few of them were quite surprised by my aggressiveness, i think, except for the 2 of my old friends, who are more than familiar with my outbursts.
i don't like losing, unless, of course, i can't give a damn about that thing, or i mindfully tell myself that some games are just friendlies and there's no point getting frustrated over it. but i find myself losing sharpness at such times and getting sloppy.
yet now, i feel like i've just lost, despite putting my heart in.