this might be a trite post to some, with the subject matter being something that has been discussed by many before me, most of them far wiser than i.
i had a really bad habit: whenever things are not going my way in my games, i'd reload the game and try again, and again, and again till i get what i want. and i had been prone to curse and swear at my computer because i could not get the outcome that i so desired.
so more often that not, i'd get the result that i want, eventually, and i enjoyed winning, no matter what it took, no matter how many tries it took. but something else gnawed at me, an awareness that i did not accomplish what i did with my own ability, and to prove myself wrong, i stopped re-loading my games, stopped saving my games before key games, even if it means losing after a bad, bad call, taking my star striker off in lieu of a holding midfielder.
and i'm doing pretty well even now, if i may say so myself, with my nottingham forest team sitting pretty at forth, a play-off spot. and i find myself sitting on the edge of my seat, feeling excited, nervous and wary all at the same time when i'm 1 goal up with 80 minutes played, something that i did not experience before, because i can simply re-load the game and try again if i screw up.
and i feel the despair, the agony and the anguish whenever the opposing team scores a late equaliser, or worst, a even later winner, but for every ounce of despondence endured, the euphoria, the ecstasy, and the exhilaration savored when i score a late goal against the odds is exponentially greater.
sometimes we think, "damn it, if only i could have another chance to re-do the things that i did. if only i could re-load my life to my last save point and with hindsight, do some things differently, eschew from some misdeeds, and strive for some ideals.".
hindsight, it has been said, is always 6/6.
i love peter jackson's lord of the rings trilogy, and i've watched the films countless times, but i've never willed myself to read the books, until recently, and i've come to consider j.r.r tolkien a genius, in the most conservative sense of the word, and his works - masterpieces. the way that he creates this alternate-history complete with its own races, languages, nations, genealogies et cetera is mind-blowing.
in the fellowship of the ring, upon discovering that the dark lord sauron is revived, and searching for the very ring of power that he inherited, frodo remarked in dismay:
'i wish it need not have happened in my time.'
to which gandalf replied, 'so do i, and so do all who live to see such times. but that is not for them to decide. all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. and already, frodo, our time is beginning to look black.'.
there're somethings that we wish to have happened differently, to have been done differently, but the past is something that none of us can change - the same applies for the present. but the future is what we can shape, so instead of dreaming about turning back time, why not consider what to do with the time that is given us.
for if life can be loaded, and re-loaded till everything is perfect there will be no genuine happiness.
for it is with the affliction of our screw-ups, of our could-have-beens, of our never-will-bes, that we learn the true value of joy.